How do you get into the pool?
As I was driving today I had a moment where I felt anxious, overwhelmed and triggered by some of the San Diego driving.
Things have been a little rough the last nine months and I had one of those moments where I just felt like giving up and giving in. It felt like my faith was being tested. The past nine months have felt like I've been holding my breath just above the waterline trying not to drown.
I began scripting out the scenario in my head where I go back to Wisconsin with my tail between my legs and spend the rest my life working at a 9 to 5 job, being totally miserable. Going backward felt even more depressing than giving up. In that moment I knew if I moved in that direction and followed through with that script, my soul would die.
Frankly, I know there's no going back. I know that I have a mission and I can't I know it I can't run from it I can't deny it and I can't ignore it. Yes, I know that and it times it feels as if I'm an animal trapped in a corner ready to lash out at the next thing that comes along. The truth is, I am just scared. I am scared to truly be seen, scared to share my wisdom, scared of being criticized or judged, but most of all I think what I'm afraid of most is being utterly and completely successful.
In that last moment of wanting to give up a car in front of me with the sticker on it said “Love, Faith, and Hope,” and I burst into tears for a few seconds and then a calm rushed over me. Faith is one of the trickiest things to have when life isn't going our way. When things are going great, we don't even think about having faith we just live.
I know I'm being asked to keep the faith and remain positive. It's not always easy and I'm not always perfect at it; hell, none of us are. I know my faith is required to be strong on this journey, especially when I'm scared.
When I’m quiet enough, I get the messages I need from “source” or my “guides” or “god,” I call these messages “downloads.” After I saw the sticker on the rear window of the white Toyota about faith, I received a download. It said, “God is your mentor and you have all that you need, you just have to take action and jump”.
So that's what I'm doing. I'm jumping in cannonball style because that's how I jump into all areas of my life. I'm jumping in boldly + bravely and deep down I know that whatever comes my way I'll pull through because I always pull through.
I believe the way we jump into a pool is a great metaphor for how we approach life. How do you get in the pool?