How do you take your coffee?
This is such an important question. Especially when you're in a relationship, romantic or otherwise. How you take your coffee is knowing what you like, and when you know what you like or know what you need, then you can ask for it.
The same is true for any other question related to what you like... What kind of crackers do you like? Where's your favorite place to travel? What kind of music do you like? Do you like camping? These are all important questions. It all boils down to knowing yourself and knowing what you like.
When you can check in with yourself and know what you need, you can then figure out how to get your needs met. Oftentimes we expect people to know what we need, as if they can read our minds and then we get disappointed or upset when they don't show up for us.
This is rather unfair if you think about it. When we have expectations of ourselves or others we set the bar so high that it becomes out of reach. We want them to show up for us but we haven't given them any idea that we have a need or that we need support.
It's our job to let them know what we desire. If we don't know what we want, how could we expect them to know? If we don't know what we need, how are we to ask for it? Ultimately it is our responsibility to figure out what we need and get our own needs met by asking for help and asking for support.
We have to be willing to figure out what we need and ask for what we want.
In romantic relationships, we often set the other person up to fail by thinking they should just know what we want instead of asking or letting them know, “hey that thing that you do, (insert thing), I really like that!” I really love it when you bring me coffee, especially because you know the way I like it. If this sounds familiar I get it and it’s ok. It wasn’t always aware of what I wanted or how to ask for it.
In my teens & 20's, I didn't know what I liked. I'd fall into the trap of seeing what others liked and acted as though I liked it too. If a guy I liked was really into video games, guess who liked them too? Love heavy metal... OMG, I love Megadeath (insert head shake/not at all) too. When I didn't know myself I didn't know what I liked or what I needed, which also meant I didn't know how to ask for what I needed. At that time I also didn't know what I wanted in a partner so essentially my past relationships became a clear indicator of what I wanted and what I didn't want in a partnership. Each “failed” relationship was nothing but an opportunity to learn and grow from.
Over time I've come to know what who I am, what I really like and even more importantly, what I love and want to add more of in my life. I'm continuously learning & growing which gives me a deeper understanding of myself, who I am and who I'm becoming.
It's so important to know who you are, what you need, and how to ask for it. I love that I know how I like my coffee in the morning. How do you like yours? Leave a comment below, I’d love to hear from you! If you aren't sure what you like or what you need, I invite you to take the time to explore yourself and find out!