You Are More Than Your Job Title And So Am I...
This image was taken of me five years ago by my dear friend Rachel Buckley. It's so crazy to think this was taken over 5 years ago, it might have well been a lifetime ago. At this point in my life, I was feeling as though I'd never be anything but a photographer. My identity was wrapped up in my vocation. It's who I was! I thought I would literally die if I wasn't a photographer.
It's what I had to hold onto at that time and I'm forever grateful for that. My camera was my safety blanket, my protection, it helped me feel safe like I could take on the world.
I spent most of my life hiding but for some reason with a camera in my hand, I felt safe, I felt protected. I still go there sometimes when a camera is in my hand and I'm learning to let myself be seen without it.
At the time this was taken I was in a very different place mentally. I was unknowingly living in an unhealthy marriage, I was so uncomfortable in my own skin and often wished I could replace my body with one I liked better, I used humor to deflect how I was really feeling and went on as though everything was fine, always. I hid my feelings well...
The truth is everything was not fine. My heart felt broken and I felt alone in my marriage, my daily life at home felt as though I was constantly walking on egg shells, never knowing who I was gonna get when I'd come home and eating my feelings was a way to cope. Which never ultimately helped because I left feeling even worse about my body but that's what I knew back then, those were the only tools I had...
My camera and food were my safety, my go to ways to cope.
Funny thing is when you're wanting to hide and you're using food as a way to cope, you end up being seen even more. It's the bodies way of protecting you. I was carrying additional weight still from sexual trauma and now just keeping it on because I didn't feel safe. Dieting never worked because what I was really needing was to love myself and feel safe.
So it's no wonder I wrapped myself up in my job title, it's the only thing I had at the time that made me feel special, made me feel safe. It was what I knew best and what I was really gifted at and the connections I made because of it felt amazing. Because of photography, I was able to travel the world, attend workshops and make connections with people from all over the world. I'm so grateful for all of it and one particular workshop lead me to my spiritual awakening.
It was February of 2013 and I attended a workshop called "What If" in the Dominican Republic. I was meeting 60 strangers for the first time and let's just say the social anxiety crept in hard! Within the first few days, I got a major sunburn, broke out with the biggest cold sore of my life and felt the ugliest I'd ever felt. I had hit my all time lowest point of self-hatred and disgust. I'm so grateful for that experience though because it's what lead me to realize I am so much more than a photographer and that I wasn't ok. It's at that workshop that I decided it was time to make loving and healing myself a priority.
This was the beginning of my spiritual awakening and my self-love journey.
Learning to love myself and make myself a priority has been one of the best gifts I could've ever given myself. Over the last 5 years, I've learned to love myself and it has allowed me to find new healthier tools, grow in confidence, drop weight naturally, learned how to eat intuitively, I'm allowing myself to be seen, I've walked away from relationships that haven't been good for me.
I now love MY body as is and want to care for her more. Loving myself brought me to my spiritual awakening and opened me up to my psychic-mediumship gifts. I've learned how to trust myself and my intuition and because of that, I know my mission in life.
I no longer look to outside sources for validation on my decisions.
It's helped me to realize that my purpose in life is to feel joy and connection and then emit that out into the world and to help women be seen, guide them to trust themselves, their intuition and open them up to their own gifts.
The other day I got a big message that I was to bring spirituality to mainstream. To normalize what it means to connect to your intuition and to trust it. It's a path to self-discovery with so many amazing treasures along the way and I'm gonna be the one to help make it happen. And again... here I thought I was forever going to just be a photographer 💕
You are more than your job title, so much more than any label you've been given. You are a unique soul with big gifts to share and now is the time to start sharing :)!
If you'd like support in learning to trust yourself, have more confidence and want to bring your gifts to life, I'd love to hear from you. Book a free discovery call and let's see if we'd be a good fit for one another. I'd love to support you in unlocking your own magic 😉!